


Kidnap? Yeah, right.

by Public_Ray



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Aomine and Kagami are being annoying, Crack, Gen, Group chat, OOC everyone, poor kuroko
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:35:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27592141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Public_Ray/pseuds/Public_Ray
Summary: Kuroko just wants to relax but Kagami and Aomine have decided to be annoying, saying that they're gonna kidnap him.But it's not like they are gonna do it, right?Sweet naive Kuroko was wrong.He ends up spending his day with them. Unwillingly of course.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

Kuroko didn't know what he did to deserve this. All he wanted was to relax in his bedroom, all alone. But no, apparently God had other plans. 

He sighed and tried to concentrate on his book, hoping to forget his earlier conversation with his two(idiots)lights. They simply didn't know what ’no’ meant. 

Aomine had added him to a group chat consisting of himself and Kagami. He wondered why those two were hanging out in the first place. They probably realized that they actually cannot be near each other without yelling and decided that they should bother someone else, someone named Kuroko Tetsuya.

His conversation with them went something like this.

____________________________________________

Daiki has added Tetsuya to the group chat

Daiki: Tetsu come over 

Tetsuya: no

Taiga: come over

Tetsuya: no

Daiki: come over

Taiga: pls

Tetsuya: leave me alone

Daiki: well u don't have a choice. We're gonna come to kidnap u

Taiga: ye send us ur address.

Tetsuya: get help, both of you

Taiga: nvm Ahomine found out where you live 

Daiki: we will be over in two hours to get you

Tetsuya: no

Daiki: yes

Tetsuya: you're not coming here

Daiki left the chat

Taiga left the chat

____________________________________________

Tetsuya wanted to kill himself right then and there. Why does life have to be so torturous? 

Well, he doesn't believe that they will come to kidnap him. They're probably messing with him like they sometimes do. It's just odd how it's both of them together this time.

With that said, he laid down on his bed and continued to read his novel.


	2. Chapter 2

__________________________

Daiki: we r coming.

Tetsuya: where

Daiki: to you

Tetsuya: what no you’re joking, right? send a picture you two cannot be serious right now.

Taiga: [INSERT PICTURE HERE]

Tetsuya: no

Daiki: we are coming.

Taiga: yoou gave us permission 

Tetsuya: i did not. and even if i did i didn’t think you’d actually come to kidnap me. what is wrong with you?

Taiga: we are almost there.

Tetsuya: stay away, I didn't think you two were serious.

Tetsuya: You’re probably going to the store or something.

Taiga: [INSERT PICTURE OF HOUSE]

Tetsuya left the chat

_________________________________

Tetsuya harshly sighed through his nose and put the pillow on his face to try to suffocate. He wondered briefly if he’d make it to the door to barricade it but that thought left his mind as soon as he heard the front door opening and a loud voice called out to him.

“Tetsu! We’re here! Come greet your guests.” Aomine’s annoying voice called out.

Tetsuya groaned slightly and ignored them.

Kagami walked into the house and started searching for his shadow, holding something in his hand. He followed after Aomine, seeing as the former light knew his way around. 

They both barged into Tetsuya’s room to see him reading, completely ignoring them.

“Oi, don’t ignore your guests! It’s rude. Here, I even brought you a gift. Be grateful, you nut.” Kagami place the thing on Tetsuya’s face and tried not to laugh.  
Tetsuya grabbed onto the thing and looked at it. 

It was a plastic flower.

A red plastic flower. 

A stupid fake plant.

He threw the fake plant at Kagami’s face and went back to his book.

Kagami rubbed his cheek and started yelling.

“Hey! We wasted 100 yen on it! Now, come with us and we won’t use force.” He said, trying to calm down. violence is bad.

“Why can’t you two just leave me alone? I don’t feel like doing anything. See, even earlier today breathing was too tiring so i stopped and i almost died. What makes you think I have the energy to walk out of my house?” He said with a straight face, trying to ignore Aomine’s annoying touch on his body.

The ace threw his head back and laughed much to Kuroko’s displeasure. 

“What? Wow, stop being so lazy and get up.”

“Nah. Go away.” Kuroko mumbled and pulled the duvet to cover himself. Kagami looked around the room and almost screamed when he saw 2 boxes of alcohol stacked on top of each other. Aomine followed his gaze and started laughing even more, knowing the true stories behind those boxes. Tetsu’s room used to belong to his old man.

“Kuroko, what the heck is that?!” Kagami asked and pointed at the boxes.

“Umm alcohol? Can’t you see that?” He said in an obvious tone.

“I mean why do you have that? Have you been drinking? And shut up Ahomine!” Kagami, suddenly took the blanket and trapped Kuroko in a burrito blanket and picked him up bridal style. 

Tetsuya struggled in his light’s grip and almost fell twice but they managed to bring him over to Aomine’s place but not without getting weird looks from people. Kagami had brought the flower with him and put it on top of Kuroko’s struggling form. 

“There we go. Now, this isn’t so bad, is it?” He asked smugly, putting his hands on his hips.

Kuroko glared at him.

“Apart from being kidnapped and taken here against my will, yes. It wasn’t that bad. But you two are horrible and annoying.”

“Hah, come on, Tetsu! You have to admit that it was the best kidnapping you have ever been through.”

Tetsuya was quiet for a moment before sighing for the tenth time today.

“Yeah, at least I was kinda prepared this time.” Both Kagami and Aomine laughed until what Kuroko said clicked in their minds.

“You have been kidnapped before?!”


	3. Chapter 3

“Hah, you suck, Ahomine! Give me the controller, you noob!” The two were once again bickering. They were playing games. Kuroko was currently seated between the two on the couch, listening to their bickering in silence, holding a cup of tea given by his former light as a token of apology.

“As if you’re any better!” The blue-headed ace yelled before holding the controller above his head out of Kagami’s reach. “I am better! You haven’t even scored a single point even after all that talk about ‘being the best’ and ‘the only one who can beat me is me’! You ain’t s***!” Kagami mocked. Kuroko calmly sipped on his tea. 

“What did you just say?” 

And that’s how the fight started, with Kuroko as the audience. 

‘I should stop them..’ He thought, still staring at them.

‘Nah, they’ll stop eventually.’ He leaned back and closed his eyes, secretly enjoying the chaos going on in front of him.

It did end eventually but it ended with a nosebleed for Kagami and pain in the stomach for Aomine, both were on the floor groaning. Kuroko had long finished his tea and was instead watching them with a small smile. Idiots. He turned to Aomine.

“Aomine-kun, please stop bullying my light. He has a fragile heart, be nice to him.” Kagami suddenly shot up from the ground, screaming about having a heart of stone or something while Aomine started screaming about favoritism.

“I favor Kagami more since he is my light.” He said, making Aomine deflate and Kagami throw himself on the couch next to Tetsuya, draping his arm around him. Aomine made a strange noise surprising all three of them but got over it and threw himself next to the small boy. 

And guess what happened? The two started fighting once more and this time it annoyed the teen in the middle. To make them let go, he pinched them both on their forearms and stood up to walk away. Both stopped and looked down at their arms. 

“He left! That stupid misdirection of his!” Kagami growled under his breath.

“He’s probably still at my house. I’m gonna go look for him.” His heart stopped when he realized that the boy was still in the room with them, standing in front of him. 

“Jesus! What is wrong with you?!” 

Kuroko ignored him and held up a box. A board game. Monopoly.

“Can we play? I don’t want to hear you two fight over stupid things and I expect you to act civil when we play this.” He said softly, shaking the box to make that satisfying noise.  
“Uh, sure I suppose...where did you even get that? I don’t own any board games..”

They sat at the table in the kitchen with a plate of fries on the side along with the game itself.

For some reason, it was going splendid for Kagami, he hadn’t gone to jail once and got 6’s most of the time. The same couldn’t be said for Kuroko and Aomine, getting mostly 3’s or 2’s or getting sent to prison.

Kagami picked up a small fry and handed it to Kuroko.  
“Eat this and the next time you roll the dice you will get a six.” Kuroko stared at him in confusion and decided to play along. “Oh, really? Okay then.” He ate the fry in one bite.  
Aomine snorted. 

“And you!-” Kagami pointed to Aomine. “ You will get a two.” 

“Are you stupid or something?” 

“That would be you, Aomine-kun” “Tetsu!”

“Anyway, I’m gonna roll the dice now.” Kuroko said as he took the small cube in his hands and gently threw it on the table.

And wouldn’t you know? It landed on six.

“Oh-! It worked. Your fry worked. Thank you, Kagami-kun.” 

Kagami patted the smaller teen on the shoulder and wore a smug look. “Of course! I felt bad so I decided to share my luck with you!”

“It was probably just a coincidence or something! Shut up both of you before I deck you in the face.” 

“Oohoh, are you upset?” 

“Kagami-kun, you shouldn’t-” 

“Shhh, Kuroko, watch this.” Kagami said and handed the dice to Aomine, who took it harshly and threw it on the table. It stopped behind the plate of fries so only Aomine could see what it landed on. He looked at it and wore a distressed look.

“You got a 2 didn’t you? Hahaha!” The tiger laughed. Kuroko was also in disbelief, so he held up a hand to contain his chuckles. 

“I’m gonna murder both of you…”


	4. Chapter 4

Kuroko decided that some fresh air would calm everyone down, and whatever he says goes (according to the two idiots that he is currently being held hostage by).

They walked out of the house and roamed without having a destination. They ended up at a basketball court, played for a little bit, and left. They found themselves at majis, spent a bit(Much) money there, and were on their way home when they passed by a familiar building.

Aomine pointed at it. “Isn’t that where Midorima lives?” He asked the bluenette. Tetsuya looked at the building and nodded. Aomine suddenly felt the urge to annoy the Oha Asa obsessed man.

He held both of his hands to his mouth to form a makeshift megaphone and yelled at the top of his lungs-

“SHINTARO-CHAN AHH~!!” With the girliest voice he could muster and looked at the window he presumed to be the greenette’s bedroom. The other two were surprised but amused and waited to see what was gonna happen.

The window opened and an angry green man popped out.

It was beautiful, it really was. The sight of an angry man and the sound of argument.

“Do you no shame?! Shut up, you mentally constipated idiot!” Screamed the greenette, holding a candle. Probably his lucky item.

“Haha! Come hang out with us!” 

“You can go die! Scream again and I will not hesitate to call the cops!” The window closed harshly and you could almost hear the anger that came with it.

It was Aomine that made everyone burst out laughing, including the normally emotionless boy

“That was kinda mean to Midorima-kun..!” 

“Nah, he can handle it, hah!” After they stopped laughing, they continued with their way back to the Touou player’s house.

“Okay, but what would you do if I ate with the knife in my left hand and the fork in my right? There shouldn’t be a correct way of eating food as long as it gets in you, right?”

Kagami and Aomine somehow ended up talking about how to properly hold your utensils, which is weird. Both of them are weird.

“It would be weird if you ate with the knife in your left!”

“And what if it doesn’t, huh?!” “Shut up, you’re weird!”

Slowing down a bit as to not walk near them, Kuroko turned his head to the side and pretended to not know them.

“Finally we’re back!” Kagami said and walked up to the door. He opened it and a ball came flying out of nowhere, hit him between the legs, and bounced away. All three of them were quiet before the red-head fell to the ground, holding groin.

“Ah! My f***ing dick! Where did that ball even come from?!”

“Kagami-kun!” Kuroko rushed over to him and crouched down to his level. He looked at the ball and raised an eyebrow. Really, where did it come from? He looked back at Aomine to see him on the floor laughing his butt off. He narrowed his eyes and threw the ball at him to which he caught it with ease. He pouted.

“Oh oh oh! Ha! This is too good!” 

They calmed down and went inside with Kagami glaring at Aomine and the latter letting out a small laugh now and then.

“Woh, okay, how about a movie?”

Horror movies are great, right? You can enjoy it in silence or scream at the scary parts. Normal human beings usually just do that, however, some aren't exactly the same. Three blank-faced teens stared numbly at the screen as a girl got her head ripped off. Yeah.

“Wait before you go! Let me give you this.” The woman on the screen wrote something down on a piece of paper. 

“Oh no, not a phone number!” Kuroko said. “Let me give you my address as well.” He said with the voice of an old lady. The two next to him snorted.

“Here, have my whole credit card information!” Aomine continued.

“Actually, just take my whole identity along with my dead child’s identity.” Kagami finished, making all of them giggle quietly.

The next scene was of a possessed woman flying up into a treehouse. Kagami paused the movie and looked at the other two. “This movie is super weird -Pfft!” They continued to bully the rest of the movie.

The movie came to an end and they were currently laying on Aomine’s bed, somehow fitting everyone there despite their sizes. Aomine was reading one of his magazines, Kuroko was reading his novel and Kagami was fast asleep.

Kuroko reached up to grab his phone from the nightstand, getting his arm close to Aomine’s face in the process. The other looked at the pale arm.

All Kuroko wanted was to relax but no. God give him patience before he rips someone's head off. See, the problem is that the Aomine Daiki had opened his mouth, leaned in close to Kuroko’s arm, and sunk his teeth in like a maniac. Luckily, it wasn’t a bite that left a mark or hurt but still.

Removing the phone from the nightstand, he pulled it close to his chest and for his arm removed from the dark-skinned teen.

Without saying or doing anything they both went back to what they were doing until the assaulter grabbed his own phone and opened up to camera. Snapping a shot at the sleeping tiger, he saved it on his phone and put it away.

Seeing Kuroko looking at him in such a confused manner almost made him smirk.

“Blackmail.” Was all he said, Kuroko just nodded.


End file.
